From Azubah to Hephzibah.

I am tired of me.

I am tired of my mind

racing, racing, racing in circles,

racing so swiftly that I cannot

Sleep.

I am tired of this heart.

This heart that

Beats So Hard

It might beat

right

out 

of 

my 

chest

I am tired of these hands that shake.

I am tired of this stomach

that ties itself in knots.

Knots that my shaky hands

cannot loosen.

Knots that make my heart

more frantic in its attempt to

escape

my 

chest

Knots that plague my racing mind

and send it spinning.

I am weak.

I am unsteady.

My soul cries out for peace.

My soul cries out for dawn.

When will this night end?

When will my mind rest?

Will my heart ever accept its place in my chest?

Will it ever end its self-destructive ways 

as it throws itself against my ribs ninety-nine times per minute?

These hands, my hands, hands that play music to You, create art for You, love and serve You; will they ever cease to shake?

My soul lies in the darkest of places.

My mind, my heart, and my hands being the betrayers of its state.

My God, My God, why have You forsaken me? 

     -You shall no more be termed Forsaken. 

Father, have You forgotten Your child?

     -I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

Here I am! I am right here!

     - Those who wait for me will not be put to shame.

My soul waits for You alone.

All my longings lie open before You.

The spinning in my mind ceases.

My heart begins to slow.

These hands, my hands—Your hands; they become steady.

Hallelujah

My God, 

You make all things new.

Hallelujah

My soul is at rest.

You are near.