Nachtviolen.

It is okay to be sad.

This is the deep conclusion I have come to after being stuck inside my head for hours.

It is okay to be sad. It is okay to be frustrated. It is okay to mourn.

I am allowed to feel what I feel as long as I do not let it rule me.

I don’t have to hide from God while I feel these emotions. My God does not just love me when I’m joyful. He loves me when I’m weeping, when I’m angry, when I’m broken. My God loves me in every circumstance. He longs to meet me in those places; He draws near to the brokenhearted. He is a loving, kind, compassionate Father who aches for me and brings healing. He understands my emotions because He created them; He created me. He knows me deeply and intimately, He knows what moves my heart and He gives me love in ways He knows will bring healing. My God is infinitely kind, and that is how I know I will be okay in any and every circumstance.

In this season, and in every season of my life, I will run to Him with my emotions. I will humbly kneel before the King of Glory with tears in my eyes, and say “Dad.. my heart hurts..” and He will kneel beside me and embrace me, because His heart is for me. Oh, how He loves me.

He will restore me. 

"This I know, that God is for me."

Psalm 56:9b

Eire

Tonight is my last night in Ireland. As I've been going through this trip, I've been asking God when my big "life changing" moment that everyone else seems to get was going to happen. And I got nothing. I was frustrated at first, but as I started thinking about it, I realized that He was slowly but surely altering my heart in not one, but hundreds of ways, some I'm not even sure how to describe. He moved in unexpected ways through unexpected people, and by the end, my heart was radically different. God gave me a brother and a sister, Wade and Raegan, whom I love with the deepest parts of my heart, and he taught me about vulnerability, unconditional love, grace, and most of all He taught me that when it comes to pursuing Jesus that physical age does not correlate with spiritual age. They love Jesus and live for Him in a such a beautiful, surrendered way; it's inspiring. They are living, breathing, testaments of the Truth of the Gospel.  God gave me Emily, who showed me that knowing who you are in Christ is the only way you'll ever be able to walk in your calling. God gave me Kimi and Jill, who showed me what it looks like to be a spiritual mother, and how to war for people in prayer. God gave me Landon, who taught me about self discipline and a spirit of excellence. God gave me Holly, who taught me how to push through your circumstances to continually pour love into other people even when you feel like you have nothing left to give. God gave me Jimmy, who taught me how to relax and let the Holy Spirit flow through worship, and that my humble offering of worship through my guitar was pleasing to the Lord. God gave me an entire team of people that taught me that family is not necessarily bound or defined by blood relation. We are covered and washed by the blood of Christ-that is what defines us as family. They taught me that the unity of peace binds us together through exhaustion, frustration, laughter and tears. The peace that is cultivated from hearts that love Jesus surpasses all circumstances. Though God showed me small things through each person, when you put all the pieces together, you see that He showed me a big piece of His heart for me, and He gave me that piece so I can in turn, give it to others.